Rape. There is a channel on Undernet on IRC called #rapesex. This makes me want to vomit. Let me tell you why. I have been raped twice. It not sexual, it is not fun, and it is not something that should ever happen to anybody. Ever. I have asked in the channel and been told it is just pretend. Just for fun. Not real. Fantasy. A game. And I still want to vomit.

Let me tell you what rape feels like. I am going to do my best, so donít read any further if you are not feeling strong.

Find something that means a lot to you. Something special. Something close to your heart. A gift. Maybe something your grandmother gave you when you were small. It doesnít have to have a lot of monetary value. It just has to be important to you.

I have a small glass elephant. It may be worth $6.00. At the most. But it was a gift from my great-grandmother. The only memory I have of her is the Christmas she gave that to me. Have you found something dear to you yet? Now bring it here. Set it on the desk in front of you. Look at it. Think about it. Do you feel how important it is to you? Now take a hammer. And smash it to nothing. Crush it. Destroy it. Make it into an unrecognizable pile of debris.

Do you feel your heart break? Do you feel the pain? Does it HURT? Now take the broken object. And place it someplace where you will see it every single day. Where you will be reminded of the hurt and the pain every single day. Where you will have to see it, and think of it every day. For the rest of your life.

Deep inside me is pain. It hurts. Something was taken from me. Something precious. Something that can never be replaced. Ever. And it hurts. A lot. Rape is a lot more than just having something jammed up inside you without your consent. Rape is about destruction. Rape is about taking something from somebody. And leaving something ugly behind.

Sure. It was almost a year ago. But every day. I know. I remember. What happened. And what it did to me. So just think on these things for a while.

Real Men Don't Hit Women!!!

Real men don't hit women.

On two separate occasions I have been the victim of domestic violence. Both times there was no legal action taken against my attacker. Both times it was men I was dating and trusted. The first time I was beaten with his fists. His reasoning was quite simple. I talked to another man at a party. He pounded me in the car on the way home. I diden't have any broken bones, but I was a mess.

The second time was worse. I had a leather belt used on me. On bare flesh. My backside actually turned purple. The tissue was damaged that deep. There was also sexual assault. This is not a crime of lust or passion. It is a crime of anger and hatred. I was not "Asking for it." I did NOT "enjoy" it. This is not something that should happen. When it does, you need to know what to do. Follow the links on this page for information. Even if you have never been abused, or if you are a man, please. There is something you can do to help. Follow the links. Read. Educate yourself. And maybe another young woman wont have to have to suffer like I did. Won't have to have to be stitched up like I was. Please. Just read. Please.

Recources on Domestic Violence

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Victim's Services

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Sexual Assult Information Page

One last time....

Some guys think when a girl says no, she is just playing a game. Some guys think that if they have had sex with a girl once before, that they can have her again. Anytime they want her. Some guys think that when she says no, it is a challenge. Some guys are shitheads. No means no. Respect it.

Hey girls. You donít have to do anything you donít want to. And if you are forced, it is rape. If you mean no. Say no. It is simple.

more people have learned about sexual assult since 4-19-99.

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